Week 8 : Fast forward to Laughter

I like to think of myself as easily amused - I love to laugh, and am rather good at just laughing at myself (....plenty of material to work with...). Maybe I was just having an off week - but this chapter gave me some startling realizations.

Day 1 and counting.... about 5 laughs

Day 2 remedial work needed: start by reading The Onion (- if this can't help me, I am really in trouble) immediate results - I burst over 25!!!

I also find myself laughing when I count the number I am on! (easily amused) and discover a book called Twitter wit - perfect for me.

Day 3: At 11 am have not yet laughed. Time to go to Onion. Moderate results.

See listing for free comedy night - Doubles as a chance to take a risk - I go to comedy night. Listen politely to 6 stand-up comics - I want to laugh, I really do....a few kind smiles....but then the 7th comic has the whole room in a roar. I know I went over 100 today. Note to self: see comedy shows!

Day 4: Not much all day...go to video store at night and rent Get Smart..absolutely zero laughs. I have a less than 5 total for the day

Day 5: I am back using The Onion as a crutch, but even this isn't working well.

By Day 6, I just don't want to count anymore.
Ok. I got it. I am humor deficient, and that is not good. I am letting the gravity of the situation take over.

This chapter made me realize how much I take for granted...and sometimes it seems as if everything that makes a rich life takes a determined effort. But I can assure that i want to laugh more than i have been laughing, and if that takes effort then it is absolutely worthwhile. I am actually thinking that I would like to take a comedy class.

Week 6: stalled

This was a non-week for me (no video even). At times I felt like a schoolgirl who didn't do the homework and was starting to fall behind.

I'm still all knotted up about risk. Offering treats doesn't induce me to take risks, so that may be why this chapter fell flat. I want to push myself more, but just freeze up. I was trying on shoes the other day; my normal size, 9, was just too small. The 10 was wayyy too big - I needed a 9 1/2 (the store didn't have it). I need a 9 1/2 risk as well. The ones I take, temporarily valiant as they make me feel, are just too small - not risky enough. The ones I outline and try to coax myself into taking are too hard, I'm not ready. I need some just-the-right-size risks.

part 2

Week 5: Risk

I've enjoyed the add-on quality of each new element - nothing + truth, then desire, etc. But this week - all i did was ask myself what risk I could take today - and so often, I didn't have an answer (more creative brainstorming called for??) I feel like I push my boundaries all the time - so I did have reluctance to increase my risk taking - but I also know it is essential: the more I lean into my fear, the more I can master this skill.

Risk#1: give a man a compliment . OK. I did it. A man with red shoes - quirky and cool shoes. Doing this wasn't such a biggie - but doesn't Martha say it's not about the result it's about the act?

Risk#2 - saying oh h...l with it - instead of being guided by doubt and "good sense" - I applied for a job I don't have the professional equipment to carry out, but told them how much I wanted to do it anyway; and then I applied for a job in NYC, where I've recently imagined myself living at sometime in the future. I guess, really the risk taking is a push into action, rather than remaining inert because of rational doubts - and also a way to practice detaching myself from expecting results and outcome, just engaging in the action itself.

Week 4: Creativity

My favorite so far! Writing down ideas for one of my desires, I came up with: "be a magician's assistant" - and what I liked about this chapter was the trust that you can keep pulling more and more ideas out of the hat, in a never ending stream.

My video doesn't quite capture the ebullience these exercises revealed, but the idea I had - to turn it upside down - itself was a lightbulb of pleasure. This week showed me that I could look for answers and ideas in a new way if I turned my view a bit.

Week 3: Desire

Desire: it started out simple enough: Limonata! fresh flowers! A million dollar bill:)

But at the very core - yearnings- that I try over and over again to attain...other people have them, but they elude me. And I yearn and yearn. And this week, I cried a lot before bed.

What makes a life worth living? Accomplishment? Family? A great marriage? A beautiful home? My answers are simple: to be truly loved by someone I love truly; to be married happily, to have a job where I earn enough to be able to give - preferably give a lot - to good works.

What makes a life worth living? I have enough food to eat, I pay my bills on time, I tune into moments of beauty, I sing in the car, wade in the ocean, laugh at myself, take photographs, smell roses, smile big smiles. These are moments. and choices. and a modus operandi. But without the other things, it never feels quite like a real life.

A beautiful video here - not about desire, but about moments:
http://castroller.com/podcasts/WnycsRadioLab2/1232723

Week 2: Truth

I considered making a video with sharp objects and pierced skin - because this is how the truth exercise felt - painful, very painful.

But, really, it was an experience about being open to examination rather than shying from it...so the examination of feelings/hurts etc became and examination of different textures, some rough, some awkward.